i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
