i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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