I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
