Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Randomize
