I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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