i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
