He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
