dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
