Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
