You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Randomize
