I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
