I'm gonna have a badass scar
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
