So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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