fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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