So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
