Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
