I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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