did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
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