uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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