you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
