Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
