I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
