I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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