my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
