Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
be right there i have to get my cape
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
