I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
