i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
