My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
