I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Send help, water and tortillas.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
