Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
