Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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