i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
