the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
