You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
found the other keg... it's in the tree
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
