I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
