This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
