I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
