Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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