My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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