I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Randomize
