the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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