were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
