i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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