Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
