The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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