I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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