Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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