Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I didn't shave. On purpose
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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