Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
