Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
